The What What of The Why Why, Day 1-5-0 in The Year of Fun. 1. Fix The Lattice of Coincidence on The Dread Gazebo. 2. Start Every Conversation With, “Ask Me About My Process.” 3. Dress As Play from Kid ‘N Play. Go to Hallmark Store in Mall. Cry Loudly for An Afternoon Over Golden Girls Birthday Card. (Hipster Initiation) Still forgetting all the good material since 1992. Continue reading D150


Ethiopia’s Number One Lane Bryant, Loosely Wearing The Year of Fun, Day 149. 1. Call Investigator to Reconstruct Last Night’s Joke. 2. Divine Future from The Greasy Imprint of My Beard Doily. 3. Sentences That Mark Both The High and Low Points of A Life: Last Call for The Three Dollar Buffet. I Can’t Believe I’m An English Lit College Graduate. This Is The Best Heroin Ever. Twenty Lottery Tickets, Please. I’ll Never Leave You. Daft Punk is playing old disco at my house, my house. Continue reading D149


Over Stuffing The Threadbare. Day 148 of The Year in Fun. 1. Use 3-D Printer to Make Top-Shelf Whiskey, Time Traveling DeLoren. 2. Release My Inner Middle Child. 3. Divorce Work Wife, Shack Up With Work Mistress/Work Love Child at Part-Time Taco John’s Job. So Mad Men, is it Yankee Wrinkle or Yankee Whistle? And just what is that? Google/Bing: You suck. Pop Culture Today: After the first two new Arrested Development on Netflix, I give you a hearty ‘eh.’ While nice to see everyone again, only laughing once was a problem. Both overcrowded and repetitive, AD is better in … Continue reading D148


How Long Before This Goes Bad,* Remembering The Years of Fun, Day 147. 1. Buy Pringles for The Third Annual In Memorandum Memorial for Veterans of Memorable Memorial Days in Perpetuity. Or Some Such Nonsense. 2. Start Flamewar With My Legions of Spambots. 3. Porn I Can No Longer Afford: House. Shoe. Clothes. Toll-Free. Free. Gay. Spiritual. I spent all my money on mental masterbation. *Today’s ‘Phrase That Pays.’ Continue reading D147


Emerging From A Cocoon of Wiry Hair, Beard Mites And Dandruff, This is Day 144 in The Zoo of Fun. 1. Release All The Naked Mole Rats From Their Psychological Cages. 2. My _ife and My Dead _ife.* 3. Places I Almost Always Hawk Up A Giant Loogie On The Exiting Sidewalk: Burger King. Kentucky Fried Chicken. IHOP. *From the Robyn Hitchcock’s Tiniest Book of Maddeningly Ab-Libs. Continue reading D144


Ignoring the Visual Cues and Plowing Ahead Anyway, Day 143, Not Shutting Up in The Year of Fun. 1. Dig Out Old Chucks in The Pursuit of The New. 2. Cover Self in Baby Bunnies, Take Pictures. 3. 12/18/77:The Day Elvis Costello Got Banned From SNL for the Next 30 Years. The Reason: Radio Radio. And, In Our Ongoing Series, It’s Time for What Have We Learned From Old Rock Songs: Radio Radio: –Do Anything Radio Advises. –Think About Hiding Receiver if Switch Breaks from Age. –Radio is Sound Salvation, Cleaning Up Nation, Voice of Reason, Gives You No Choice, … Continue reading D143


That Little Strip of Processed Cheese That ALWAYS Tears Off When Opening The Cellophane, Day 142 of Weary Fun. 1. Join Local Minutiae Men Brigade, The Para-Military Group That Obsesses Over the Details. 2. Lap Dogs–Dog Breeder Specializing in Flat and Furry Canines. 3. Tonight on The Blaze(r) Channel 977, Deep Cable. Special ‘OK, Not OK’ Night. 7pm–Billy And His Gun. Lil Billy and His Dog Clipper Join Papa La Pierre to Shoot The Evil Tornbama Out of The Sky. Cartoon. 8pm–The 720 Club. Pat Reveals Which Ok. Sinners Caused The Ok. Holycaust. Religious. 9pm–Paper Cutz. Pres. Beck Demonstrates FEMA’s … Continue reading D142