Close Hand Magic for The Blind, Now You See The Year of Fun, Day 151.
1. Quick Give Me Something Clever I’ve Said.
2. Clipped Emotions Day Tomorrow. Start/Stop Every Conversation with A Movie Clap Board.
3. Other Famous ‘Henges (Besides Stone and Car):
The What What of The Why Why, Day 1-5-0 in The Year of Fun.
1. Fix The Lattice of Coincidence on The Dread Gazebo.
2. Start Every Conversation With, “Ask Me About My Process.”
3. Dress As Play from Kid ‘N Play. Go to Hallmark Store in Mall. Cry Loudly for An Afternoon Over Golden Girls Birthday Card. (Hipster Initiation)
Still forgetting all the good material since 1992.
Ethiopia’s Number One Lane Bryant, Loosely Wearing The Year of Fun, Day 149.
1. Call Investigator to Reconstruct Last Night’s Joke.
2. Divine Future from The Greasy Imprint of My Beard Doily.
3. Sentences That Mark Both The High and Low Points of A Life:
Last Call for The Three Dollar Buffet.
I Can’t Believe I’m An English Lit College Graduate.
This Is The Best Heroin Ever.
Twenty Lottery Tickets, Please.
I’ll Never Leave You.
Daft Punk is playing old disco at my house, my house.
Over Stuffing The Threadbare. Day 148 of The Year in Fun.
1. Use 3-D Printer to Make Top-Shelf Whiskey, Time Traveling DeLoren.
2. Release My Inner Middle Child.
3. Divorce Work Wife, Shack Up With Work Mistress/Work Love Child at Part-Time Taco John’s Job.
So Mad Men, is it Yankee Wrinkle or Yankee Whistle?
And just what is that? Google/Bing: You suck.
Pop Culture Today: After the first two new Arrested Development on Netflix,
I give you a hearty ‘eh.’
While nice to see everyone again, only laughing once was a problem. Both overcrowded and repetitive, AD is better in short, short bursts. And maybe, some things are just better when left alone.
How Long Before This Goes Bad,* Remembering The Years of Fun, Day 147.
1. Buy Pringles for The Third Annual In Memorandum Memorial for Veterans of Memorable Memorial Days in Perpetuity. Or Some Such Nonsense.
2. Start Flamewar With My Legions of Spambots.
3. Porn I Can No Longer Afford:
I spent all my money on mental masterbation.
*Today’s ‘Phrase That Pays.’
The KKK Button is Stuckkk, Stuckkk, Stuckkk, Day 146, The Gears of Fun.
1. Host ‘Rumspringa for Cicadas’ Reception.
2. Tomorrow is Milgram Prison Experiment Day at Work.
3. Run Around Screaming,
“Patriot Monkey Bread Now At Godfathers!” Over and Over and Over Again.
This is The First Line in The Rest of The Year of Fun. Day 145.
1. Most of The Time, It’s The Just The First Stray Thought.
2. Or The Second.
Old Man: I’ll Have A Virgin Daiquiri.
Young Boy (Into Frame): …And I’ll Have A F&cked Up Milk!
—Ad Campaign, F&cked Up Milk (1998).
Emerging From A Cocoon of Wiry Hair, Beard Mites And Dandruff, This is Day 144 in The Zoo of Fun.
1. Release All The Naked Mole Rats From Their Psychological Cages.
2. My _ife and My Dead _ife.*
3. Places I Almost Always Hawk Up A Giant Loogie On The Exiting Sidewalk:
Kentucky Fried Chicken.
*From the Robyn Hitchcock’s Tiniest Book of Maddeningly Ab-Libs.
Ignoring the Visual Cues and Plowing Ahead Anyway, Day 143, Not Shutting Up in The Year of Fun.
1. Dig Out Old Chucks in The Pursuit of The New.
2. Cover Self in Baby Bunnies, Take Pictures.
3. 12/18/77:The Day Elvis Costello Got Banned From SNL for the Next 30 Years.
The Reason: Radio Radio.
And, In Our Ongoing Series, It’s Time for What Have We Learned From Old Rock Songs:
–Do Anything Radio Advises.
–Think About Hiding Receiver if Switch Breaks from Age.
–Radio is Sound Salvation, Cleaning Up Nation, Voice of Reason, Gives You No Choice, Claims Treason, In Hands of Such A Lot of Fools, Anesthetizes Way You Feel, Wonderful, Marvelous.
–Late Night Stations Play Songs That Bring Tears (To Eyes).
–Some Friends Sit Around Every Evening and Worry About The Times Ahead.
–Everybody Else Overwhelmed With Indifference, Promised Early Bed.
–Hungry To Bite Hand That Feeds, Really Want to Bite Badly.
–Two Options: Shut Up or Get Cut Out (They Don’t Want To Hear It).
–When It’s All Said and Done, It’s Only Inches on The Reel-To-Reel.
(Honestly, Less Than Zero is a more controversial song.)
That Little Strip of Processed Cheese That ALWAYS Tears Off When Opening The Cellophane, Day 142 of Weary Fun.
1. Join Local Minutiae Men Brigade, The Para-Military Group That Obsesses Over the Details.
2. Lap Dogs–Dog Breeder Specializing in Flat and Furry Canines.
3. Tonight on The Blaze(r) Channel 977, Deep Cable. Special ‘OK, Not OK’ Night.
7pm–Billy And His Gun. Lil Billy and His Dog Clipper Join Papa La Pierre to Shoot The Evil Tornbama Out of The Sky. Cartoon.
8pm–The 720 Club. Pat Reveals Which Ok. Sinners Caused The Ok. Holycaust. Religious.
9pm–Paper Cutz. Pres. Beck Demonstrates FEMA’s Destructive Power By Entering ‘The Confetti Cyclone Chamber’ Enduring 10 Million Tiny Cuts to His Body Politic. More Self-Flagellation in The Second Half Hour. Educational.
10pm–Gold Hoarders. Learn How To Melt Debris into Gold. Infomercial.
Stuck in Head: The First Line of Oklahoma.
Working On Mysteries W/O Any Clues, Day 141, Night Moves in The Year of Fun.
1. Start Pre-Prod on Lifetime Movie,
‘One Year Later:
A Murder in Florida and
The Powerball Loser.’
2. The Man Who Can Fully Compartmentalize Every Aspect of His Life Shall Rule The World.—OCD Confucius.
3. #63 Weird Eddie.
“Ok, Pull Your Pants Down.”
Long Pause As Eddie Scans Up And Down, Pokes and Prods With His Finger.
“Hmmm, Well, Impressive, You’ll Be Lucky in Love. Long Legs, Big Boobs, Blonde. Next…”
Another Boy Crowds Into The Stall, Drops Corduroy.
“Oh No. Oh Boy. All Signs Point To Hatchetface Betty, So Sorry. She’s The Only One Who’ll Love You. And You’ll Be Lucky To Have Her.”
#63 Weird Eddie, The Boy Who Predicts Your Love Life By Looking At Your Penis, From ‘The Big Book of Childhood Horrors.’
Because Six Billion People Can’t All Be Famous, Day 140, One Yen of Fun.
1. Market ‘Who Will You Be After The Personality-Altering Head Injury?’ Bracelet. (WWYBATP-AHI?)
2. Decode Subtext Behind Every Tweet/Post/Text Read Today.
(Clue: Please Love Me.)
3. The Major Movers in Today’s Misery Index. (5.37)
–Bowl of Delicious Soup, Up .2
–Neuropathy, Down 1.4
–Slight Buzzy Feeling, Even
–No Shower, Down .7
–Realization Still Alive And Slogging Away, Up 2.1
Markets Are Still Reeling At News of ‘Just Keep On Keepin’ On’ By Analysts. Some Sell-Off, Narcotics Expected Later Today.