My Iron Man Suit Just Transformed Back Into Underoos, At The Deus 128, The Year of Funning Dangerously.
1. It’s Adam and Sugar, Not Adam and Stevia.
2. Today’s Sequestration News:
–Jokes 37 Percent Less Funny. (Was Below Minimum Standard Pre-Cuts)
–No Pepper on Plain Rice.
–23 Percent of Dreams Downgraded to Nightmares.
–The Department of Making The Public Personal Eliminated.
Good News, Recent Reallocations (IE, Willful Ignorance) Have Allowed Me to Ride Shotgun on My Weekly Car Ride.
3. The Domino’s Code (2004)–A Secret Cabal of Eyetalian Monks Steal/Kill/Rape To Keep The World from Discovering The Mysterious Ingredient of The Sauce. (High Fructose Corn Syrup)
I just realized the great thing about Facebook is that most people don’t ‘Continue Reading,’ so I can write any ole offensive thing down here without worrying about people I know being offended. They ain’t gunna read it.
Love is ‘Continue Reading.’ Hell, people I’ve even had a baby with no longer even pity-follows me on Twitter. And all my comments/replies on Twitter and WordPress are just spam.
It’s no risk if no one sees it or if no money is exchanged. Ah, The glories of invisibility.
With that in mind, here’s what I consider the darkest joke I’ve ever thought. Disappointment ahead. I thought it at a time when the topic at hand was more than just an abstraction. And it helped way more than praying ever has or any other forms of self-examination.
I hope when I commit suicide I remember to dip the gun barrel in chocolate fondue, so my last thought is, “MMMM, tasty!” as I eat it.
Have a great day everyone and may your gun barrel be 75 percent cacao.