Drowning Out The Drums of War With The Bongos of Annoyance, Day 129, The Fog of Fun.
1. I Like My Men Like I Like My Chicken, Mechanically Separated–Lady Tyson, 20th Century Meat Baroness.
2. TV Pro-Tip (1943-Present): The Most Famous Guy Did It.
3. Imaginary Business Start-Up Day.
The Re-Internet History Project. Kickstarter-funded Business to Ensure All of History is Seen Through Internet’s Warped Lens. Mona Lisa Memes. I Can Has Cleopatra. Ect.
I Could Go On, But I’ve Already Moved On to Something Else.
Microsleep Wearhouse. Disposable Sleepwear for Your 10,000 Daily Micronaps.
(Blank) is The Root of All Evil.
Get Followers to Give Me All of Their (Blank).
Get Crazy Rich/Laid/Powerful.
Die a Hypocrite.
However, Die Rich/Laid/Powerful. (Goal)
I’m Feeling Lucky TV Guide. Let Google Solve All Arguments By Randomly Choosing What You’ll Be Forced To Watch For The Night.
Work With Yelp to Create I’m Feeling Hungry, Forced Random Restaurant Choices.
Cell Phone Separatists. Lost Your Cell Phone? Too Poor for Your Phone Plan? Just Looking To Unhook? Let Cell Phone Separatists Help. We’ll Teach You How To Use A Phone Book, Remember Simple Numbers and Where To Look Besides Your Hands. What Will You Do With The Extra 14 Hours A Day? Hang Up on Your ‘Untethered Penis’ And Find Out.
Stockhold’s Syndrome. Swedish Lingerie You Literally Can’t Shake Off.
Weed Front Freakout (Secret Name). Start Store in Sketchy Neighborhood, The Creamed Munchies, Catering To All of The Modern Stoner’s Needs. Spongebob Paraphernalia, Stupid Knitted Hats, Neon Water Bottles and A ‘Things Made Into Bongs’ Craft Area.
Work With Police to Arrest Anyone Dumb Enough To Ask Counter Help for Pot. (Real Goal)
Bonus Imaginary Businesses:
Die At Sea Cruise Lines. Is Your State Anti-Euthanasia? Let DaSCL and Carnival Cruise Help. Our ‘Mistakes’ Will Assist You To End Your Life in Beautiful Surroundings And On Your Own Terms (Drowning/Starvation).
Salsa Verde. The Mexican Restaurant That Smothers Every Dish in Green Chili Sauce.
No Uggos. Our ‘No Uggos’ Branded Clothing, Only Sold at Stores, Will Show The World That You’re No Uggo. Available Only in Small and Medium Small, Our Staff Will Grade Your Physical Appearance and Only Sell to ‘No Uggos.’ Visit Our Mini Store-In-A-Store Baby No Uggo.