Never Claim Conspiracy When Incompetence Will Do, Day 136 in The Who of Whaaaat?

Never Claim Conspiracy When Incompetence Will Do, Day 136 in The Who of Whaaaat?

1. Swear Like Yosemite Sam Day.

2. Spilling Lipids–My Mid-90’s Diabetic Ska Band.

3. What’s Crushing Me Today:
Candy.
Appeasing The Crazy.
Collapsed Lung.
Eyeliner.
Oranges.
1980’s Hip Hop.
Velvet.
Rush.

48 Bottles of Half-Empty Conditioner, Not One Damn Shampoo Bottle.* Day 135 in The Ears of Sponge.

48 Bottles of Half-Empty Conditioner, Not One Damn Shampoo Bottle.* Day 135 in The Ears of Sponge.

1. If There’s No Spring, There’s No Spring Cleaning.–Midwestern Origin of the Phrase ‘Hot Mess.’

2. Wanderhouzen–German Phrase Meaning ‘To Move To Avoid Cleaning.’

3. Trim Beard To Show More Cleavage.

‘By The Power of Greyskull!’ Is Today’s Phrase That Annoys.

*Non-Ironic.

D134

Flipsy Flopsy Flooo!
i got nuthin’, Day 134 in The Year of Fun.

1. If You Don’t Think of Celebrities During the Day, They’ll Appear in Your Dreams at Night and Haunt You. — Future Internet Urban Legend.

2. Still, In the Future, All Media Will Only Be Other People’s Reaction to Other People’s Reaction To The Media…— Every ’80’s New York Avant Artist.

3. Real Life Sitcom Learning Moment:

I* said “It’ll Be Fine!”

AND IT WASN’T FINE!

Thanks, TV.

*Names May or May Not Be Me.

Thanks, Passive Aggression.

The Mother’s Day of Invention, Beautiful Day 132 in The Year of Mom.

The Mother’s Day of Invention, Beautiful Day 132 in The Year of Mom.

1. Storytellers, Gossips, and Idle Chatterers—Use The Journalist Basic Questions Pyramid Format When Jabbering.
In Order of Interest to Me And, By Narcissistic Extension, You:
Why
How
Why
Who
Where

Thanks.

2. Best Writing Advice I’ve Ever Received:
Just Write One Paragraph Every Half Hour For Sixteen Hours A Day, Seven Days A Week Until Done.
Simple.

3. Free Spencer’s Gift Novelty T-Shirt Idea.
Black T-Shirt (Natch). Picture of Old Timey Scroll With Beer Cans and Filled Ash Trays Around The Scroll. Written on The Scroll In Tiny Print:

Dear Science,
Due to Your Tireless Work and Shared Intelligence, In Just 200 Years, Life Expectancy has Doubled, Much of Life’s Hard Work Has Been Eliminated, Porn is Available Everywhere, We Can Fly in The Sky and Through the Co-operative Nature of Man’s Knowledge and Efforts, Life Can Only Get Longer, Healthy and Happier Than At Any Time in History.
To Celebrate,
I’m Gunna Destroy Every Spare Brain Cell And Live Twice A Long Doing It…
(In Large Print)

Let’s Party!!

(Tiny Print) …For Science.

Yesterday’s E-Bag Today
Oh, we get e-mail, e-mail just occasionally. Let’s take a look.
The first comment brings up an interesting theory on intellectual inquiry on Day 107:

New comment on your post “A Feather Duster in the Nose, Day 107 in the Year of Achooo.”
Author : http://www.dailymotion.com (IP: 147.255.162.57 , 147.255.162.57.rdns.ubiquity.io)
E-mail : andresyamamoto@gmx.de
URL : http://maximilianoguzman.com.ar/2009/05/26/railscasts-downloader
Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/147.255.162.57
Comment:
If you’re facing a hacker that knows what they’re doing, then it won’t offer much protection. Wireless routers must be configured immediately for security right after you set up your network. One grand feature of Amazon kindle ebook reader revealed through kindle Wi – Fi is that it can allow you to download in parts, which means you can first download the starting pages of the book, and if you find the book necessary and right book required by you, then you can download the complete book.

Dear http://www.dailymotion.com,
Thanks For The Comment! Your Input Has Been Invaluable!
Sincerely,
The Year of Fun.

The second comment, also concerning the day 107 post, offers fantastic advice to keep yourself secure:

New comment on your post “A Feather Duster in the Nose, Day 107 in the Year of Achooo.”
Author : Wifi Hack Password (IP: 147.255.162.159 , 147.255.162.159.rdns.ubiquity.io)
E-mail : lyleaddison@gmx.net
URL : http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xzscok_free-wifi-hack-password-download-2013_tech
Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/147.255.162.159
Comment:
Our desperate attempts at attaining luck were for naught.
Another thing that gamers want is a wireless headset that can be used for long periods of time without having to constantly be recharged.
Hardwired security systems will call for a lot more hardware;
while wireless security systems routinely have built-in
features that help save space and make installing much easier.

Dear lyleaddison@gmx.net,
Wow, The Year of Fun Certainly Appreciates Your Comments! Keep On Reading!
Sincerely,
The Year of Fun.

Our last letter deals with beauty and the nature of art and the creative process:

New comment on your post “A Feather Duster in the Nose, Day 107 in the Year of Achooo.”
Author : ellalovell.jigsy.com (IP: 196.3.181.162 , 196.3.181.162)
E-mail : barbramccue@gmail.com
URL : http://ellalovell.jigsy.com/entries/general/dragon-city-astuces
Whois : http://whois.arin.net/rest/ip/196.3.181.162
Comment:
Da Lat is known all over Vietnam for its flowers, so your tour
to Da Lat is not complete until one goes to the Da Lat Flower Gardens with the tastefully arranged flora are
orchids, hydrangeas, fuchsias, ferns, roses, lilies, and camellias.
In structures smaller than monumental compounds, but more complex than huts, lived fishermen, laborers, artisans and farmers.
Carracosta may be a combination of carapace (a hard, protective covering, ie.

Dear ellalovell@gmail.com,

Every letter, and your time, is important to everyone here at The Year of Fun.
Thank you for taking time to put fingers to keyboard.
Sincerely,
The Year of Fun.

Typing, Not Writing, With Baseball Gloves On, Day 131 Astride The Year of Fun.

Typing, Not Writing, With Baseball Gloves On, Day 131 Astride The Year of Fun.

1. Just Imagine The Untold Life Stories of Elvis Presley’s Unborn Twin. Live That Life.

2. Nothing Good Comes After The Phrase ‘Can’t Hurt.’ However, Switch The Vowels and You’ve Got A Punk Band or A New Revenge Flower.

3. Be More Erudite When Yelling at Horror Movie Characters On Screen.
“The Swing and Yaw Of Serrated Edge Combined With The Supra Metaphysical-ness of Mister Meyers Render This Photoplay Preposterous in All Manners of The Unquenchable Id’s Journey Toward Tepid Satisfaction.”

The Weisenheimer Brainstorm, Day 130 In Touch With Your Year of Fun.

The Weisenheimer Brainstorm, Day 130 In Touch With Your Year of Fun.

1. Today on ‘Memories of What I Used To Eat,’ A Food Blog:
Misty Water-Covered Chestnuts.
Triple Decker Vienna Sausage French Toast Sadwich.
My Feelings.
Pictures Are Overexposed on Purpose.

2. Don’t Forget to Bag The Racked Over Coals of My Heart And Return to Store.
My Heart’s Switching to Frakking for The Big Corporate Payout.

3. Wow, No Number Three Today.
Let’s Be Lame and Blame The Day of The Week.
‘Effin Wed-nes-Day, Right?
It’s What Now?

Today is The Day I Jump The Shark, Sadly.
Strap on The Evil Boweevil Spangled Jumpsuit, Attach The Rocket To Your Crotchet And Blaze A Path to Irrelevance, It’s Ride Time.
Fortunately, Said Jumped Shark is Toothless, Blind, Bloated, On Land, Gassy and A Vegan.

Drowning Out The Drums of War With The Bongos of Annoyance, Day 129, The Fog of Fun.

Drowning Out The Drums of War With The Bongos of Annoyance, Day 129, The Fog of Fun.

1. I Like My Men Like I Like My Chicken, Mechanically Separated–Lady Tyson, 20th Century Meat Baroness.

2. TV Pro-Tip (1943-Present): The Most Famous Guy Did It.

3. Imaginary Business Start-Up Day.

The Re-Internet History Project. Kickstarter-funded Business to Ensure All of History is Seen Through Internet’s Warped Lens. Mona Lisa Memes. I Can Has Cleopatra. Ect.
I Could Go On, But I’ve Already Moved On to Something Else.

Microsleep Wearhouse. Disposable Sleepwear for Your 10,000 Daily Micronaps.

Rootism Church.
(Blank) is The Root of All Evil.
Get Followers to Give Me All of Their (Blank).
Get Crazy Rich/Laid/Powerful.
Die a Hypocrite.
However, Die Rich/Laid/Powerful. (Goal)

I’m Feeling Lucky TV Guide. Let Google Solve All Arguments By Randomly Choosing What You’ll Be Forced To Watch For The Night.
Work With Yelp to Create I’m Feeling Hungry, Forced Random Restaurant Choices.

Cell Phone Separatists. Lost Your Cell Phone? Too Poor for Your Phone Plan? Just Looking To Unhook? Let Cell Phone Separatists Help. We’ll Teach You How To Use A Phone Book, Remember Simple Numbers and Where To Look Besides Your Hands. What Will You Do With The Extra 14 Hours A Day? Hang Up on Your ‘Untethered Penis’ And Find Out.

Stockhold’s Syndrome. Swedish Lingerie You Literally Can’t Shake Off.

Weed Front Freakout (Secret Name). Start Store in Sketchy Neighborhood, The Creamed Munchies, Catering To All of The Modern Stoner’s Needs. Spongebob Paraphernalia, Stupid Knitted Hats, Neon Water Bottles and A ‘Things Made Into Bongs’ Craft Area.
Work With Police to Arrest Anyone Dumb Enough To Ask Counter Help for Pot. (Real Goal)

Rock.

My Iron Man Suit Just Transformed Back Into Underoos, At The Deus 128, The Year of Funning Dangerously.

My Iron Man Suit Just Transformed Back Into Underoos, At The Deus 128, The Year of Funning Dangerously.

1. It’s Adam and Sugar, Not Adam and Stevia.

2. Today’s Sequestration News:
–Jokes 37 Percent Less Funny. (Was Below Minimum Standard Pre-Cuts)
–No Pepper on Plain Rice.
–23 Percent of Dreams Downgraded to Nightmares.
–The Department of Making The Public Personal Eliminated.
Good News, Recent Reallocations (IE, Willful Ignorance) Have Allowed Me to Ride Shotgun on My Weekly Car Ride.

3. The Domino’s Code (2004)–A Secret Cabal of Eyetalian Monks Steal/Kill/Rape To Keep The World from Discovering The Mysterious Ingredient of The Sauce. (High Fructose Corn Syrup)

I just realized the great thing about Facebook is that most people don’t ‘Continue Reading,’ so I can write any ole offensive thing down here without worrying about people I know being offended. They ain’t gunna read it.

Love is ‘Continue Reading.’ Hell, people I’ve even had a baby with no longer even pity-follows me on Twitter. And all my comments/replies on Twitter and WordPress are just spam.

It’s no risk if no one sees it or if no money is exchanged. Ah, The glories of invisibility.

With that in mind, here’s what I consider the darkest joke I’ve ever thought. Disappointment ahead. I thought it at a time when the topic at hand was more than just an abstraction. And it helped way more than praying ever has or any other forms of self-examination.

The Joke:

I hope when I commit suicide I remember to dip the gun barrel in chocolate fondue, so my last thought is, “MMMM, tasty!” as I eat it.

Have a great day everyone and may your gun barrel be 75 percent cacao.

One of The Flies on The Wall at The Amnityville House, Day 127, The Deer of Puns.

One of The Flies on The Wall at The Amnityville House, Day 127, The Deer of Puns.

1. Untuck My “I ❤ My Low Level Depression" T-Shirt.

2. Artie, Choke The Hearts of Darkness.

3. Stop Time.
Read Every Book, Hear Every Song, Watch Every Movie.
Know True Depths of Cultural Mediocracy.
Start Time.
Freak World Out With 2 Jillion Year Old Man.

Nostalgia Today:
Waterbeds, Anybody Got One?
Do They Still Sell 'Em?
Can I Fill 'Em With Warm Jello?
(Nostalgia Today Will Not 'Google' To Find Out.)

Other Uses For Fireworks Fillings:
Hillbilly Crank.
World's Longest Burning Snake.
The Exploding Fingers Mariachi Band.
Use To Clean/Ruin Wok or Pressure Cooker.
Bullshit Teenage Shenanigans.