Mandatory Ice Cream Headaches Everyday, La la-la-la, Day 182 The Throbbing, Wavy White Light in The Year of Fun.
1. It’s ‘Just Let Stupid Be’ Day. Don’t Correct, Override, Troll, Obsess, Object or Interfere Stupid. See How Long You Can Go.
Can You Make It the Whole Day? Twenty Minutes?
No, Well, It’s Still Good to Try.
2. It’s Also Canada Day.
Hopefully, The Day the US Doesn’t Treat Canada the Way Texas treats Oklahoma or the Way the US treats Texas, Oklahoma or The Rest of the World.
Don’t Let Nation States Be Hatin’ On Nation States.
3. Team NSA With Google So They Also Have to Filter Out Nigerian Princes, Gold Scams, Local Sexy Singles, and Everything Else That Keeps Us from Porn.*
This Just In From The Past, Most of The Rest of the Story:
(1-05-79) (Headline) Brit rocker Elvis Costello loses cooking show after his use of the controversial White N-Word.
Premiering the new song, Oliver’s Army, during a segment of Waiting for the End of The W****d Peas Casserole, Costello’s new cooking show, Costello sang the song as recorded into cameras.
“I’d rather be anywhere but here today,” Costello said on-air, during the song. He also sang about a White N-Word.
Tegis Rucci, President of Jimmy Buffet Fans Against The New Wave, saw the show and organized a protest which successfully led to the cancellation of WftEotWPC one working week later.
“Welcome to the working, uh, cheeseburger in paradise. King Parrothead will never sell-out, Pointdexter!” Rucci organized the protest from 30 Rock, the subterranean office he lives in, buried 30 rocks under an anonymous Nebraska corn field. He plans to be a parody of a Jimmy Buffet fan until retirement.
“I don’t care what the colored girls sing, it offends my mellow silken ears and my sensitive long-haired inclinations, this racket.” Rucci said in the Betamax video sent to journos. Rucci read the statement while sipping a red cup margarita and atop a pile of Hawaiian shirts, an aging “Visit Cabo Wabo” poster behind him. At the end the 14-hour video, Rucci plugged his fingers into his ears and swayed, humming, “Doo do doo do doo do do doo..”
Rucci accidentally learned of the White N-Word incident while surfing The Old Wave, Nebraska’s only satellite dish.
Elvis Costello, née Declan Patrick ‘Big’ MacManus, when phoned about the incident offered no action, no explanation, “I don’t wanna chitter-chat,” he said.
“Blame it on Cain, don’t blame it on me,” replied Alison Allison, WftEotWPC’s Executive Producer. “This w****d (referring to the show) is killing me.” Long-time ‘Party Girl,’ Allison then took off her party dress and put on the big light.
Alison Allison also produced Costello’s last show, My Aim is True, a hunting program. MAIT ended in March of ’78 after Costello, while chasing this year’s girl, shot Burt Bacharach in the face.
Abel Cain is the show’s Radio to Heaven operator, “Accidents will happen,” Cain said of the Sunday’s ‘best’ incident, “Don’t blame it on me. Oh, oh, it’s nobody’s fault, but we need somebody to burn.”
Cain pointed to an empty space in the Pay It Back studios where Cain said government burglars took it ‘long. The Radio to Heaven is Costello’s translation machine. The RtH purses Costello’s prolific, racist swearing and translates English into American. The machine was programmed to change ‘White N-Word’ into ‘White Nice Guy.’ However, live, the little triggers on the Radio to Heaven failed. A stunned live audience heard the song as it was recorded and sang. Fortunately, the syndicated morning show, airing in over 39 Florida markets, was pre-taped and fixed well before air.
Lip Service, Costello’s promotion team, confirmed the show now has ‘less than zero’ advertisers.
Not impressed, Allison said, “I’m not angry, I’m not angry anymore, but there’s gonna be no dancing when they (Costello) get home. Wave a white flag and put the pistol down.”
Costello’s vanity production company, Red Shoes, had plans to create a show around each song from Costello’s new album, Armed Forces, for his new dixieland-based TV network High Fidelity.[Ed.–See the exclusive full list of shows tomorrow.]
Red Shoes had plans for an exercise show, a news show and a second elderly cooking show and nine others.
Costello has long had a history of controversial behavior. Since the release of his first record, Costello has vowed to commit a ‘misdemeanor or better’ for each recorded song based on the song’s lyrics. On July 22, 1977, Costello traded a baby away for a Chevrolet. [Ed.–Two days for full list of crimes.]
Costello does plan to debut a new song without incident this winter on Saturday Night Live. “No promises,” he added.
(I don’t want to go to) Chelsea (Handler)
*According to Super Whistlebl, er, Terrorist Edward Snowden, 75 Percent of the Internet Passes Through and is Analyzed by the NSA. That seems like a news story.
And the News Story is STILL “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego, er, Matt Lauer, er Edward Snowden?”
Thanks a lot, Not Mainstream (and Most) Media.
I could plug Elvis Costello lyrics into news stories all day long. Also, two words: Tegis Rucci.