Wyoming’s Red-Headed Step-Escalator, Day 199, Trapped by a Shoelace in The Year of Fun.

Wyoming’s Red-Headed Step-Escalator, Day 199, Trapped by a Shoelace in The Year of Fun.

Breaking: The Nebraska Cornhuskers start full-time ‘Make A Wish’ Practice.
Over 2,000 Cancer-Afflicted Children score 14,707 Pts. for team.

1. “How Do Ladies Go to the Bathroom in These Pantsuits?” — Elvis’ Last Thought.

2. Nasal Magnetic Implants for Stay in Place Brown Nosing.

3. Wikipedia’s Most Controversial Entries #11-15

11. Pink Elephants.
12. Julian Assange’s Phone Number.
13. Socialism.
14. Who’s Who in The Illuminati.
15. Kittens.

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2013/07/the-state-of-wyoming-has-2-escalators/277891/

http://feedly.com/k/15OMZwz

The 10 Seconds After You Lock the Keys in the Car, Day 198, Jimmying The F$ck Outta The Year of Fun.

The 10 Seconds After You Lock the Keys in the Car, Day 198, Jimmying The F$ck Outta The Year of Fun.

1. I’m Only 1,540 Characters and 11 Tweets Away from Leaving Purgatory. Thanks, Pope.

2. Re-borrow Money from Jerelyn, A Beauty Shop Owner from The Philippines and Beneficiary of a Generous $25 Kiva Loan.

3. Some Articles from the New Rolling Stone:
Manson’s Favorite Beach Boys Songs.
Boston’s Best Spots to Get ‘Bombed’ on Rock.
Bob: The Other Zimmerman.
The FBI’s Most Hottest List.
Special Scratch and Sniff Insert: Do You Smell Smoke?
The Anarchist Cookbooks’ Easiest Recipes.
Yet Another Article on Foo Fighters.

So, today I locked the keys in Shelly’s car and found out my car is basically dead.
I hate cars and always have.
Burn in Hell, cars.

Cars, the most expensive thing you’ll ever hate.

Because Premium Hot Pockets Exist, Day 197, Stupid Sing-Songy Jingles in The Year of Hoooot Pok-Its.

Because Premium Hot Pockets Exist, Day 197, Stupid Sing-Songy Jingles in The Year of Hoooot Pok-Its.

1. True Blood Drinking Game.
Say, “Because (They’re) So Damn Tasty” After as Many Lines as Possible.
Score Points for Funny/True.

2. Get Jenny McCarthy Behind New ‘Botox for Vaccines’ Trade-In Program. For the Children.

3. This Week on The A-Team:*
Hannibal Smith Taps His Cigar Three Times, Three Times, Three Times.
Faceman Finally Talks to First Suspect, Woman.
Mad Dog Goes Manic, Blows Up Stuff, Solves Case, Makes Friends with Ants Covering Skin, Crashes.
B.A. Can’t Not ‘Pity The Fool.’
Tia, When She Feels, Feels Invisible.

Nostalgia Today: Yesterday was payday.

Don’t Let Money Change Ya.
Laah, di-dah, da-da-dee-dah
Lah-di-dah, da-da-dee-dah
Laaaaah, di-dah, da-da-dee-dah
Lah-di-dah, da-da-dee-dah

Laah, di-dah, da-da-dee-dah
Lah-di-dah, da-da-dee-dah
Laah, di-dah, da-da-dee-dah
Lah-di-dah, da-da-dee-dah

*The A stands for Autism.
What will The A stand for tomorrow?
Only The A-Hole knows.

Out of Midnight Oil, Day 196, Burning Daylight in The Year of Fun.

Out of Midnight Oil, Day 196, Burning Daylight in The Year of Fun.

1. Good News: The Paula Deen Cookware is Deeply Discounted.
Bad News: The Paula Deen Cookware Only Cooks Cajun.
Better News: The James Deen Cookware is Also Deeply Discounted.
Worse News: The James Deen Cookware Only Cooks, Well, Everything, But Needs Oil.

2. Pretend It’s Thursday Day.

3. The Average Person Poops 9000 Pounds of ‘Material’ in Their Lifetime. So, One Big Push and 3,122 Pounds Later, and We Should Be Finished.

Pop Culture Today: Four episodes into Orange is the New Black, Weeds’ creator Jenji Kohan’s new show on Netflix based on the book of the same name. OitNB shares much of Weeds’ tone with much different stakes. As a prison dramedy, OitNB also subverts many prison show cliches seen on cop shows and Oz. (Every Oz plot — Bad guy tries to reform, makes small positive changes, is killed.)
If you liked Weeds, you’ll like this. Lots of interesting characters. The difference between good and bad people often comes down to a single mistake, a theme proved over and over on the show.

The Super Messy Kind of Undiagnosed Autism, Day 194, 52 Pick-Up in The Year of Fun.

The Super Messy Kind of Undiagnosed Autism, Day 194, 52 Pick-Up in The Year of Fun.

1. Noticing the Little Peccadilloes of Life That No One Else Has Noticed and Creating a Pithy Comment is Really, Really Hard. Also, I Live in A Skinner Box.

2. Use Mini Shark Dust Devil to Clean Up Neighborhood.

3. My Brain is Like A Dry Erase Board, Every Time I Try to Write on It with a Permanent Marker, That Shrieking, Squeaky Noise Also Rattles My Teeth.

D193YoF. Over There —————————>

D193YoF

1. …It Worked Perfectly, My Plan to Devalue Hotel Rates in Florida is Coming to Fruition. — Bill ‘Howard’ Johnson, Owner of The Alabama Inn Hotel Chain and Sneaky MF Racist.

2. I’m in A Cialis Commercial Day
— Ride in Mini-Convertible.
— Sit in Bathtub Next to Loved One.
— Stare at Genitals with A Wistful, Teary, Pleading Eye.

3. Over There —————————>

(Sucker.)

The Softest Firmware Update Yet, Day 193, Shift-Shift-Control-Alt-F in The Year of Fun.

The Softest Firmware Update Yet, Day 193, Shift-Shift-Control-Alt-F in The Year of Fun.

1. Reductive Memory Techniques — It’s an Old Standby, but ‘Adjective Plus Celebrity’ Will Help You Remember and Condescend to any Stranger. *

2. Happy Birthday Perry Carnes, Sit On Uncle Al’s Lap and Whisper Your Dreams to Me.

3. Music Haves: Rich Guy Rap, Polka, Gospel, Frat Rock…
Music Have Nots: Poor Guy Country, Blues (Non-Hawaiian Shirt), Suicide Death Metal, Bar Band Music…

* Yesterday I saw Working Class Tom Waits, Ugly American Megan from Mad Men, and Bland Matt Damon. By far, ‘bland’ is my favorite adjective. Also, I am a horrible person, Mutant Grizzly Man Matt Groening Me.

A Rubic’s Cube of Weird Emotions, Day 192, Knuckle-Busting The Year of Fun.

A Rubic’s Cube of Weird Emotions, Day 192, Knuckle-Busting The Year of Fun.

1. “This Time Machine is Three Seconds Late.” — A Line from Next Summer’s Big-Time James Franco/Seth Rogen Time Travel Movie ‘Let’s Kill Paris Hilton!’.

2. Putting The Blank in Blank Day.*

3. Rubicon — Kansas City’s Premier Going Too Far Convention.

* Era in Insufferable.
* Junk in Junction.
* Face in Facetious.
* Miso in Misogyny.
* Un in Cunt. (Do Not Use as Compliment. Or Ever.)

Music Video Today (MVT): One of my favorite Aimee Mann songs and it’s not from Magnolia.

Wordplay — Pun’s Older Brother.

Bringing Hand Me Down Drums to the Summer Doldrums, Day 191, 1-2-3-4 in The Year of Funs.

Bringing Hand Me Down, Old Drums to the Summer dOldrums, Day 191, 1-2-3-4 in The Year of Funs.

1. Create Worst Dish Out of Only Favorite Ingredients.*

2. When You Think About Defragging Your Brain, Do You Imagine a Cheese Grater Sanding Away The Mind Wrinkles and Then Reforming The Brain Dustings into A Smoother, Happier, Muddier Brain?
Yea, Me Too.

3. Laser Pointer Tag Team-Edward Scissorhands.

* Today I had a super carbonated, chocolate mint diet iced coffee drink. Awful.

My test is successful. The later I write in the day, the less effort it gets.

Where the Dog Days of Summer Turn Werewolf, Day 190, Lycan-Dope in The Year of Fun.

Where the Dog Days of Summer Turn Werewolf, Day 190, Lycan-Dope in The Year of Fun.

1. Tonight on Placebo Surgeon (Lifetime): There’s a 30 Percent Chance of Love.

2. Riffing for Dummies: Under the Dome.
Say the Phrase, “Because We’re Under A Freakin’ Dome” After EVERY Line of Dialogue.
Enter Your Own ‘Dome of Silence.’

3. “Yea, the Only Difference Between Me and Patton Oswalt is A Tape Recorder.”
— Not the Only Difference.

The Eternal 8-Inch Natural Gas Flame, Day 189 Fraking in The Year of Fun.

The Eternal 8-Inch Natural Gas Flame, Day 189 Frakking in The Year of Fun.

1. Use Industrial Sieve to Filter Emotions, Chemical Imbalances and Life Out of The Crazy. Then, Bake a Pure Crazy Cake with a Dark Chocolate Frosting. Mmmmmmm….

2. Random Chinese Fire-drill Day.

3. Poop Penthouse (ABC): The Brown, an Exclusive New York Apartment Building, Will Steal Your Soul if You Number Two More than Seven Times in One of The Brown’s Gold-Rimmed Toilets. Spin-Off of 666 Park Ave and Poop Hotel. Stars Terry O’ Quinn. Already Cancelled.

http://gizmodo.com/this-eternal-flame-burns-as-a-result-of-natural-frackin-699511537

Pop Culture Today: The Replacements are back together singing about Alex Chilton and now a new Big Star album and documentary. No One Can Hurt Me. Love it.
http://www.bigstarstory.com/

Waiting for The Deus Ex Machina to Show Up With The New Deus Ex Machine, Day 188, Godot Again Naturally, in The Year of Fun.

Waiting for The Deus Ex Machina to Show Up With The New Deus Ex Machine, Day 188, Godot Again Naturally, in The Year of Fun.

1. Wet, Leftover Fireworks Day.

2. Get Bees in Head to Wake Up, Nut Up and Make Some Delicious Mind Honey.

3. It’s About Time to Finish The Great American ________.
-Pamphlet.
-Time Killer.
-Hoagie.
-Mope.
-Heart Attack.

Happy Birfday, Kel.