The Fiesta 13

For the time capsule to be opened in 100 years from this date August 30, 2040. Submitted by Jym Branson, age 47.

We should’ve listened to the frogs in the 1990’s. Scientists of the time noticed that some frogs in the upper midwest were changing genders from classic male to classic female. They attributed this change to large levels of estrogen in the water due to plastic pollution. No one paid attention and just thought it was a weird anomaly.

Until it happened to us. On August 30, 2020, the first case of The Change was diagnosed. A week later, 99.97 percent of the population of the world had been infected. Scientists say the change virus may have been dormant and spreading for up to two years before it’s emergence. About 70 percent of the population believed aliens caused the virus. Some blamed the frogs, but 20 years in, we still don’t know what caused the change. Hopefully, you good people of the future know what the causes are or maybe there was another change. Who knows? It’s a crazy time and continual change has been our steady constant the last twenty years.

Even now, twenty years out, there’s still lots of rumors about what happened in September of 2020, so I’d like to give you my personal testimony. And, no, everybody’s penis didn’t just fall off.

In August of 2020, the world was just wrapping up a minor flu pandemic, the Corolla virus or something. I was 27. First, I’d like to say, physically, the process of The Change was actually quite pleasant. All the changes happened while you slept and wow did you ever sleep! 12 hours a night and you woke up feeling great, refreshed and full of nice endorphins. It was just getting use to your new, slowly changing body. The whole change took about three weeks and affected both classic males and females. That first night, scientists said 99.97 percent of men woke up with a pee hole beneath the the male part known as the scrotum, in the taint, and no longer peed from the shaft of their penis. The next week, while sleeping, the penis shaft and balls began to retract into the body covered by the scrotum skin, until after a week the crotch looked like one of those old Ken dolls from an ancient toy catalog. The second week, the changes were mostly internal. The testicles shifted back, the muscle that propelled the sperm strengthened and shifted back. The head of the penis shrunk and became the clitoris. New nerves developed. The shaft and some of the scrotum became vaginal walls. A gland developed for lubrication. In the third week, secondary features developed. Men grew lactating breasts of various cup sizes. The skin softened, muscles reformed, body hair fell away. All the effects of the increase of estrogen. At the end of the third week, the scrotum skin covering the new vagina fell away and men became what we call Whoa-Men. Many Whoa-Men have that skin mounted like a trophy on their wall. Physically, on the outside, the Whoa-Men were the same as women. The internals were slightly different. Whoa-Men still produced sperm from their smaller testicles, about a third of what they used to produce, and shot the sperm out of the vagina during orgasm, mostly clitoral stimulation. And, as a former male, I can say definitely, the new orgasms occurred more frequently, with greater strength and with less refractory time than the male orgasm I vaguely remember. Scientists say 40 percent more endorphins are released in the brain than in the old male orgasm. Pure Bliss. 

Women also changed internally. They were fertile only two days a month, every thirty days, exactly. During their fertility, they, in the old language, glowed. Checks reddened and they were slightly warmer. 48 hours after fertility, women had a painless period that lasted half a day. You could set a watch by it, as my dad used to say. Also, when they orgasmed, also more intense, a liquid ejaculate was produced. The sales of hand towels skyrocketed. The old sexes, in their way, were meeting together in the middle.

When children were born, they appeared female, but had neither ovaries or testes inside. When puberty hit, at around age 13, the child either developed testes or ovaries and the ability to carry a child.

 It was harder to conceive. Scissoring without the aid of a tube-like attachments made conception damn near impossible. And that was during the fertile period. Plus the woman could easily flush out any unwanted sperm. It’s why most conception is now funded by the government with sperm extraction and insertion done with gentle machines. 

The societal changes and fear and not knowing of what would happen next caused chaos. In the month of September 2020, approximately one-third of the population world-wide died. Either by suicide or by other violent means. Cults rose up to kill women. Cults rose up to kill WhoaMen. The president killed himself in a bunker like Adolph Hitler. There were millions of botched surgeries. I think the aliens were using this virus or whatever as population control. And when babies started coming out as genderless on the inside, there was another thirteen years of more worldwide upheaval, as we thought we were the last of a declining civilization. Only today does it seem like there’s starting to be a return to normalcy. 

I’ve always been an optimist and seeing a new, and I think, better world emerging is exciting. Children are always a wanted choice now. Gender now is a fashion, not a destiny. The patriarchy AND the matriarchy are relic ideas. People are equal. Toplessness is okay. There’s masturbation clubs. Sexuality isn’t shameful. Being gay or straight or bi is kind of a non-issue. Let’s be honest, most of the bad people died in their martyrdom in September of 2020. Sure, there are a lot of strange new religions, but the patriarchy of the old ones are dying. When a third of the world dies, capitalism doesn’t seem as important. Governments work differently. 

Do I miss my penis? Sure, I still sometimes have phantom penis syndrome, but at the end of the day, what are you going to do? I only remember the penis from old porn now and nobody’s ever found the .03 percent the scientists say didn’t change. That might have been a comforting lie. I miss standing up to pee, but thankfully, urinal technology has evolved as well.

Live and learn, I say.

When I was a kid, I learned, at the time, that all fetuses were conceived female and the male parts showed up about six weeks into the pregnancy. I guess nature finds it’s own equilibrium in the end. 

Last year, our closest evolutionary relatives, the Ape kingdom changed.  And the bonobos thrived.