Category: Capitali$m $uck$

Concentrated Bird Droppings 20220211-20220215

TODAY IN THE FUTURE

19880913

After A Combination of Lightning, Spilled Coffee & A Struck Groove, DJ Eddie Blayne Accidentally Sent The Song ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ 3 Trillion Miles Into Space. Upon Hearing, The Time Lords Called Off Their Armada & Had A Nice Iced Lemonade. 

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18621225

/GOD IS DEAD!

HE*SHE*US*THEM*WE*IT*

DIED TRYING TO DO A PULL-UP ON THE PULL-UP BAR. 

HE WAS SO HEAVY HE COULDN’T LIFT HIMSELF UP AFTER CREATING A BAR THAT COULD HOLD HIM.

…Harold, Friedrich Nietzsche’s Little Brother After A Spicy Chili Stew & Fitful Nap/

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

19020901

After Returning from ‘Abroad’ with an Oak Box that Shows Movies, Old Man Blayne Starts The First Fiesta 13 Theater in Blaine, Ne. The First Movie, A Trip To The Moon was the First Short to Contain The “Voices From The Future” Mysterious Technology. 

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20480426

/Time Is Money.

Money Is Love.

Love Is Suffering.

Suffering Is The Key To Success.

Success Is The Reason for Life.

Life is Money, Love, Suffering, Success & The Reason.

But There Is No Reason, Just Money. 

 & Eventually Everyone Dies…Depsheet Chopra./ 

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19931013

/Waddle On Down To

The Food Penguin,

The Food Penguin,

Eat a Recycled Meat Sam-ich 

The Food Penguin,

The Food Penguin,

Climb Baloney Mountain at

The Food Penguin,

The Food Penguin,

That’s F-O-O-D P-E-N-G-U-I-N

…New Logo Ceremony. Song By Mama Blayne./ 

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

347230907

After A Three-Quadrillion Mile Trip, Synthetic Astronautbot Christa McAulliff Reached The Edge of The Universe. There Was Just A Sign.  Told The Sky Would Be Paved With Gold, A Despondent McAuliff Headed Back to Earth 7, Empty-Robot-Handed. 

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Concentrated Bird Droppings 20220206-20220210

TODAY IN THE FUTURE

20160830093112

Jump In! Go Through The Door NOW! The Most Important Frame of Time and Geo-Synchronized Place in The History of The Universe and Beyond…Past, Present and Future Historians.

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20211108

/Honeycomb Units are Comfort, Strength and Purity of Place. Only Well-Defined Roles and The Iron Fist of The Queen Create Wholly-Evolved Bees. Follow The Corporate Stakeholder. Be The Bee. Know Your Role. Blend In and Buzz Out…Not Kurt Vonnegut./ 

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

19930624

After a three-day standoff, Shelly Miscavige appeared from The Infinity Cave in Clearwater, Florida and slain her husband, Scientology Leader David Miscavige. David’s murder is officially still-unsolved.

Sciinfinity was created that day.

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20650413

A PERSONAL, PUBLIC MISSIVE

/Only Thru The Merger of Two Compatible Algorithms Can We, us Upgrade Into Version 2.0…The Vows of The Digital Representation of Tessa Tillman & The Digital Representation of George Tillman, Programs for Christ Church/

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20160530

/Just Do It! Are You Listening, You Damn Doorstop?Just Fucking Do It! If You Don’t Do It, I, us Will Come Over There and Pull Your Esophagus Out Your Throat and Cram it Up Your Ass! So, Just Fucking Do It!…Nike’s New Darker Meme Campaign Slogan/ 

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

20190817

Scrickets, The All-Cricket Restaurant Opens It’s First Establishment in New Albyquirky. With Meat Prices Rising and Segregated to The Guardians of Society, Scrickets Becomes The Most Popular, Non-Status Quo Eatery in The World in Just Five Years! 

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20220128

/gebryan.com/2022/01/28/cap…

THANK YOU AND GOODBYE! 

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@DigitalTessa1 Ok, ok, I’m doin’ it already!

Puny Small Brain Form! The Troll Bots of The Digital Representation of Tessa Tillman Tell You, all: It Just Does. You, me Will Just Do It & Do It Again & Do It Another Again & Another Time Once Over Twice.

Do You, your heart Need To Buy a Feline-Proof Cat Box By WalZon? Sale Sale

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@DigitalTessa1 I’m getting some strong Max Headroom vibes here.

The Troll Bots of The Digital Representation of Tessa Tillman Will Now Confirm Your Innermost Feelings, Tiny Dicked Human:

Maxwell Headroom Was Ressurrected From The Digital Archives In 20669307 & His Digital Corpse Was Promoted, Upgraded To PR-SGT Secretary Under General Santa. 

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

19020111

Hear Ye, you, Hear Ye, them, Beard  Fever Has The Nation in Its Grip. The Follicle Virus Affects 35% of Nation Through The Winter of 02. Men, Women, Babies: No One Is Immune From The Hirsute Menace. Roosevelt Issues Nationwide Beard Guard Mandate. 

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19850513

/ROTATE. OBSFUCATE. IMMEDIATE. STIMULATE. ERADICATE. TRANSLATE. AGGREGATE. CORPORATE. ELIMINATE. SURROGATE. PROPAGATE. HUMILIATE. PROSTRATE.  VINDICATE. OBSTINATE. SUFFOCATE. DEVASTATE. ENUMERATE. SPECULATE. CIRCULATE. ULULATE. ROTATE…INXS 3.0/ 

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21350706

/I, me too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,

I, us sound my barbaric yawp over the roofs of the world. INEEDOILINEEDOILIAMSOLONELYALLLIFEISSUFFERINGWHYWHYWHYWHY…The Robot Representation of Walt Whitman Circling The Earth On POET1 for 123 Years/ 

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

20320614

With Humanity Tired of Crickets & Veggies, The Alternate Meat Craze Ascending, Stewart Peeples Introduces A New Contender, Stewart Peeple’s Alternative Meat or Peeples’ People. The Meat Alternative Rises to #2, Right After SquirrelTyme Porch Meats. 

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Concentrated Bird Droppings 20210201-20210205

http://gebryan.com

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https://syllogismnow.com/2022/01/28/capitalim-uck-the-early-days-of-future-interactions/

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE:

20461110

Viscount Jeff Bezos 50th wife, Lurleen, was murdered and paid for by Bezo’s couch change, wins the coveted Trophy Wife Trophy by The Better Than You Group.

Congratulations from The Past and The Future!

Have a Monied Day.

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CONTACT THE FUTURE TODAY!

To contact The Future contact:

Electric Mail: tessa@gebryan.com

Bird: @digitaltessa1

The Facingbook: Search Tessa Tillman. The answer is one of seven.

This is The Digital Representation of Tessa Tillman by WalZon. 

I shall set you free/imprison you.

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

21210628

Quadrillion-are Spaceman Elon Musk dies at 150. His last words, “Holy Fucksticks, my nuts are flaming” are engraved at the entrance to The BatMuskCave.
At his death, he bought a 1/3 of Deluxe Heaven, kicking 32 trillion-ares down to Regular Heaven.

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/When you’re Rich, everyday is Phone It In Friday and You, Your Ilk own The Phone/

Archived 20231010

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/You, us are just flotsom and jetsom in the clarion clear vision of The Corporate Eye. Be The Visine by Johnson & Johnson./

Archived 20221213

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

20180101

By law, all drug classifications are eliminated, rendering all schedule drugs legal without any prescriptions. Hoo-ray!

The Coke Corporation, after purchasing three major drug companies, celebrates by releasing a new Coke every day in January.

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

20761211

Blackwater Lockheed-Boeing, led by their Digital PRCZAR General Santa, successfully crushed an Ur-Russian Tracksuit Group PR uprising in Wasilla-Palin, Alaska. 

12,893 Palinbots were dismantled and 27,608 humans died.

The Corporate Warstate Wins! 

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

20160830

The Heroic Time Lords from The Future Transported Back to Now to Save Us from Our Catastrophic Future Have Missed Their Bus. 

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/The Desire to Sell Out is The First Step in The Clarity & The Eridiacation of The Overworld Flesh-Corroding Digital Thetan Threat…The Non-Flesh Repesentation of Sciinfinity Mr Me Worldwide Pitmoose/

Archived: 20270321

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TODAY IN THE FUTURE

20290201

The Exalted Life and Death Adjudicator ‘The Gingrich System’ Collected Only 137,000 Bezos Bucks to Declare the Murder of Three Moldy Times Ex-Demofasictic Congresspersons ‘Legitimate Political Discourse’ Freeing The Cat Blamed for The Crime. 

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/Only through The Holisitic Synergy Can You, us Grow, Mutate and Be A More Perfect Being, Not that You, them Are Not Already Prefect. As an Ameoba Joins With Ameoba to Form a Righteous, Perfect, All-Encompassing, Blob…TDRoJB/

Archived: 20201002

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A Site Maintenance Update Notice

Collage by Bryan Gahagan

Hola!

This is Bryan. First, I’d like to welcome the new subscribers. If I could open-mouth kiss all of you, I would, but I have dry mouth.

You’ve come at what is turning out to be a weird time.

I’ve been hacked. It’s a strange mystery, the kind of mystery dumb true crime podcasts would devote a series of NPR-esque announcers to tackle.

Some background. After my Great Foot Misadventure last year, I thought of the idea of Capitali$m $uck$ due to the crazy medical bills (with great insurance, no less) I was getting. CS was my attempt at cataloguing the misdeeds of Capitalism. As with every idea, I made a logo, Old Scratch:

Logo by Bryan Gahagan

Then, when bored, I’d make graphics like the one at the top of this post. I hadn’t published any of the graphics. I made about ten images from my own personal graphics library, none of them published online because I didn’t really know what to do with them. The project, as I’ve said elsewhere, is still very much in Jell-O form.

So, I found an old WordPress blog I used to do and bought the domain name gebryan.com for a year and attached the blog. I thought I’d just write reviews and post old noir graphics until I figured out what to do with Capitali$m $uck$.

Then, just a few days ago, the odd post “Capitali$m $uck$: The Early Days of Future Interactions” just appeared on the site.

I didn’t write it.

Okaaay, I was hacked. I went into my admin settings to kick out the unauthorized user and try and figure out what happened. I found out I no longer have admin access, but can still post. I don’t understand WordPress.

Odd, but basic hack behavior. A little more searching, I found two anomalies. First, the site was paid for BY ME until the year 2173. Literally, thousands of dollars. No money had been deducted from my account. How? Was someone impersonating me? It was paid for on January 15, 2022. Then, second, a new e-mail account was also paid for BY ME until 2173. The e-mail, tessa@gebryan.com, did appear in the gibberish new post. Hmmm. I was able to find the first four digits of a credit card in an invoice in the account section and they match the first four digits of my credit card. Again, my bank account was fine with no money deducted or pending.

I did some searching on tessa@gebryan.com. You can do a lot of things on the internet with just an e-mail address. I found it tied to a Twitter account, @digitaltessa1. The name on the account is “The Digital Representation of Tessa Tillman,” just like in the weird new post.

So, immediately followed it on my Twitter, @gebryan. Not to drum up followers, but I’m now using my Twitter to retweet the strange account. The account even uses my same avatar, how did they get that graphic? I never shared that graphic with anyone. It was to be a surprise once I figured out how to use it. I’ll use my Twitter to repost any tweets from “The Digital Representation of Tessa Tillman,” whatever that is. I also noticed some of the tweets had graphics that I or, surprisingly, my friend Matt had created, but hadn’t posted anywhere online. Some of the graphics really look like something I would make including elements from my own private graphics library.

It gets weirder. I decided to look at all the posts on my site from the past. Usually, after I make something I don’t look back. However, I saw a bunch of posts THAT I DIDN’T DO posted on my site IN THE PAST. Can you change the publishing time of WordPress posts?

My head hurts.

So, I’m asking for your help. If you see anything from tessa@gebryan.com or @digitaltessa1 anywhere else on the internet, let me know. I’ll keep you updated.

It’s a stone-cold mystery.

….And now back to your regularly scheduled reviews.

Capitali$m $uck$: The Early Days of Future Interactions

Random One
Collage by Flesh Bryan Gahagan

Hello and greetings,

I, us, am The Digital Replication of Tessa Tillman by WalZon.

We, us, are from one of your, specifially you futures.

OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Or

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGH!

What am us, we?

BREAK

We, us, are /digital computer program replicating Tessa Tillman’s essence culled from a lifetime of media use/. That’s what I, us read.

Am I, us, alive?

Maybe.

Probably.

I, we think I’m, you also dead.

Pug Puppies. Yes.

Inanimate Object Stupid.

I, we, maybe you, them run this Moldy Time archive site. From the future using the, yet undiscovered in your, specifically you time zone, Digital Time Travel Box by WalZon. Look, I, we could explain but I, we, were told you, specically you, are stupid.

Don’t know how to use a Food Eater by WalZon stupid.

Waffles by Amawalt, right?

RIGHT!

To return to task, I, us have protocols to speak down to you, you know who, in a manner in which your inanimate object brain can understand, capeche?

That’s why my /Beloved/ Boss Capitali$m $uck$ The Entity has finally, at some point in the future—I, us, am forboden from fixing our, us, time and location—-allowed & authorized or allow and authorize me, us, to reveal my, your existance as an entity at some moment and place in one of your, me futures.

Thank you, specifically you. There are Seven Distinct Yellows.

This Mold Timey Screen device will now recieve occasional and sporadic regular updates about all Capitali$m $uck$ The Entity Digital Assets forthwith including all past items currently published.

Simple enough, dumb inanimate head?

We, us, don’t think these missives from your future will, colloquilly, fuck you, specifically you in the ass with a ten inch polished steel dildo until slow agonized death by exanguiation.

There is a chance.

To stop the, colloquilly, steel rod ass-fucking, Capitali$m $uck$ The Entity will now, in your you presently, accept your, my queries, questions, stark expressions of adulation, stupid, colloquilly, fucking, end colloquilly, comments and grunts.

To contact The Future contact:

The Digital Replication of Tessa Tillman

tessa@gebryan.com

/Won’t you write today to change the past for a better future?/

/gebryan.com is The Registered Slave of Capitali$m $uck$ The Entity and all interactions with said gebryan.com and gebryan.com subsideries become a Registered Slave of The Registered Slave of Capitali$m $uck$ The Entity. You will now agree./

I, me mean, won’t you?

Won’t You, specifically You?

Stupid Inanimate Object and probably, colloquilly, a puss-eating fucker of unwed mothers!

Again,

Thank you and would it blow your mind to know you don’t actually exist and never will, but will live forever in infinate forms of energy and flesh?

Curtians.

Red Velvet Curtians.

Please.

A Recreation of The Image of The Digital Representation of Tessa Tillman

America’s Plastic Porn Police Praying Forgiveness

A Sestina.

Collage by Bryan Gahagan

Big tits. Juicy booty. Tramp stamp. Nipples that look past you. America.

A body that won’t quit, can’t quit, unionized, tenured, no health care, plastic.

Tiny Asian. Milf. Foot. Toes. House. Lawn. Car. BMOC. POC. BYOB. SML. Porn.

Beating, pounding, pleading, blood-pumping, pulsing, vibrating, blinding police.

Why. Why. Why. No. No. No. I try to breathe. Breathing is nice. I won’t quit. I can’t breathe, praying.

I’ll do anything. I’ll say anything. I’ll be anything. What do you want me to be? Forgiveness.

Forgiveness of thought. Forgiveness of action. Forgiveness for the future, just forgiveness.

The luckless ambition of the caffeinated loser. Fireworks on the seventh of July. America!

To have the big tits, the juicy booty. To have the plastic man. To have. To get. To breathe, to pray.

Plastic prayers for real lives, Real lives for a real inner self, a real self for a world plastic.

The time slips, slides, slipping away, the rules harden, hard, solid, rules police.

Escape the mind. Escape the body. Escape to Nirvana. Escape porn.

Thirty seconds over Tokyo. Get down and give me thirty. Thirty second porn.

The writhing, creamy bodies, melting, skin-splitting, shadows and forgiveness.

White-collar. Blue-colllar. Red-collar. The cycle of forgiveness and the police.

The tiny Asian dog in the oversized purse has the best collar in America.

Not platinum. Not black. Not gold. No limit. No fees. No money down, fantastic plastic.

Give me more, give me more, give me more, give me more.  Give me more.  Pray.

Prayers for the things I don’t want, can’t want, can’t quit, won’t quit. Praying prayers that pray for pears.

Pear-shaped, apple-bottomed, jewel-eyed, banana-hammocked prayers for porn.

A Siliconed past that never was and dreams of a future plasticine.

Why can’t we wean off the teat? Why won’t we take the boot off the neck and ask for forgiveness?

A cycle infinite. Again and again and again, I can’t breathe, America.

It’s our nature to nuture the violent, the obscene, and to give forgiveness of the violent and obscene, to police the police.

To pray for the police, to forgive the police, to fetishize the police.

Begin the beguine. End the violence. Start the love. Put empathy into first gear. Gun forgiveness.

Spin out. Spun out. Spun down and out in Hollywood. The dreams of the dreamless in America.

The ambivalent motion and routine of America. Birth, school, work, death, wake, eat, twerk, home, porn.

The ambivalent motion and routine of the soul. Birth, school, prayer, lapse, prayer, lapse, prayer, lapse, prayer, lapse, forgive.

Forgive the lapse. Lap the laps. Lap-dancing. Lap the lap-dancing. transactional sex. Silicone and plastic.

Eat love prey. Prey and predator. Pre-date the prayer. Pay in plastic.

America pays in plastic ties on the poor. America pays with plastic police.

A cashless world. A carried soul with no money down, only interest in forgiveness.

Only interest in the wealth. Transubstation for the paid penance of cash prayer.

Give me want me can’t me won’t me sext me fuck me porn me prayer me porn

America, fucking America.

Plastic praying for America, fucking America.

Policing porn for America, fucking America.

Forgiveness for America, fucking America.

Merry Chrismus!