Serving Decaf At The End of The World, Day 118, Waiting For End of The Fun. 1. Hug A Stranger Too Tight Day. 2. Have Brain Rescraped. 3. Buy D. Pression Gold Watch for Lifetime of Service. If you only abuse one person today, let it be yourself. Continue reading Serving Decaf At The End of The World, Day 118, Waiting For End of The Fun.
Informing You on How Many Days We’re Into 2013, Day 108 in The Fun Year. 1. Use Stray Worries to Power The Psychic SETI Project. 2. Set Off Fireworks, Injuring Children, to Gain Sympathy/Support for Third-Rate Sports Team. 3. Weak News ‘Jokes’ Day. “Wow, West Texas Sure Is Serious About Illegal Aliens.” “Maybe Senators Need A Background Check.” “Red Beans and Ricin for Dinner Again?” Pop Culture Last Night: Saw John Dies At The End. See It, The Weird Ideas From 10 Movies Woven Together In A Donnie Darko Ghostbusters. Continue reading Informing You on How Many Days We’re Into 2013, Day 108 in The Fun Year.
A Feather Duster in the Nose, Day 107 in the Year of Achooo. 1. Malapropism Day. It’s A Real Treat for Your Fears. 2. Take Q Meter Reading for Cult of Personality Application. 3. Fun Time for Me and My Dumb Brain –Make Belgian Waffles, –New Scalp Massage Lotion, –Plan to Take Over The World. Continue reading A Feather Duster in the Nose, Day 107 in the Year of Achooo.
The Way The Wind Wafts Off The Waste Management Plant, Day 106, The Year of Huff. 1. ‘Maybe I Should Take Up Jogging,’ –A Nation Responds. 2. It’s What’s For Supper. (Larry The Cable Guy’s Instant Pork Rind Cracklins). 3. ‘So, Is It Rice or Dead Lice in That Powdered Wig,’ –A Question I Hope You’ll Never Have To Ask. Good day to rewatch Four Lions. Continue reading The Way The Wind Wafts Off The Waste Management Plant, Day 106, The Year of Huff.
Dear Santa, Is It Day 105 in The Year of Fun Yet? 1. Fifth Person Passive Aggressive Day. Did Your Dad Tell Sally to Tell You To Take the Laundry Out Yesterday? 2. Next Week’s SNL Musical Guest—DVR ‘Skip.’ 3. Today’s Saddest Profession: Door-to-Door Catheter Salesman. Dear Bryan, Yes. Also, I don’t exist. Love, Santa. Continue reading Dear Santa, Is It Day 105 in The Year of Fun Yet?
D1/05XYoF-2013, Section One of An Ongoing Series of Small Squirrel Sketches. 1. Paper Tiger Moms Against Whirlybird Dads For Peace Pipelines. 2. TGIM–Your Weekend Starts on Monday or You’re Not A Total Asshole About Everything. 3. Today’s Avoid List: Lawyers. Guns. Money. False Equivalency For Everyone or No One Gets Ice Cream. Accept My Ultimatum or No One Gets Ice Cream. What I’m Saying is I Ate All The Ice Cream. So, Can You Get Me Ice Cream? Please? Come Back… Continue reading D1/05XYoF-2013, Section One of An Ongoing Daily Series.
2013d103y0fun: 1. The Kickstand, My New Casual Motorcycle-Themed Pub-eatery Featuring Sexy, Shirtless Male Servers in Tiny Shorts. At The Mall. 2. Use The Fork, Luke. Use The Fork. (To Scratch Your Back) 3. Baby Day! -Wear A Bib and Onesy! -Poop Your Pants! -Fall Asleep in the Car! Continue reading 2013d103y0fun:
The Temperature At Which Carmel Camelizes, Day 102, The Humping Year. 1. “Today’s Land Lines Are Tomorrow’s Boat Anchors.”–Tagline to LandBoats, My Old Electronics Recycling Center. 2. Pretend Golf Is Actually Deep Day. 3. Competitive Freestyle Jarts. Pop Culture Today: Hey, that Bates Motel is starting to come around. Continue reading The Temperature At Which Carmel Camelizes, Day 102, The Humping Year.
Celebrating My 100th 100th Anniversary, D100 in The Year of Fun. 1. Attn. Accountants: 2+3=5 and The Number 23 Can Be Exchanged With Any Other Prime Number. Thank You. 2. Roll A D100. On a 23, Murder A Hobo. * 3. Self-Flagellate. Congratulate. All Rotate. Archive Today: As I start work on a new massive card game, here’s an old unplayable beta game I wrote: Click to access Alphadice.pdf *With Love. Continue reading Celebrating My 100th 100th Anniversary, D100 in The Year of Fun.
The Squared Ouroboros, D’99 in The Frungs. 1. “Hey Everybody, Sure Is Hot, Huh?” –Tomorrow’s Mandatory Weather Small Talk Phrase That Pays. 2. Opposite Sex Day. Make of That What You Will. 3. “What Stereotypes Really Love is Cash, Cash, Cash.”-Jay Z and Some New Country Singer’s New Song. —The Frungs— Available at Runza and Now in Theaters. Continue reading The Squared Ouroboros, D’99 in The Frungs.